I'm kind of down and out right now, but not for long.

Four years ago today I was admitted to the hospital, where I would remain for 40 days, fighting a big battle for my life. #Winning! I won. I’m a winner. There’s been so much winning.

Those of you who have been with me since those good old days might remember this post on my situation.

me in hospital

I don’t talk much about it because, snooze. Plus I’m from Minnesota — we only complain about the un-personal stuff that can’t be traced to us, like a snow storm or a wild animal or Uncle Dave’s farts.

It’s been such a long recovery, and my choice to have a baby in the middle of it didn’t help my journey to full health. Many people think that pregnant women and sleep deprived mothers are having the life sucked out of them, but that’s not true, just 10 years or so. Although it is sooooooooooooo worth it. Amiright?

That time on an airplane when she smooshed soft cheese into her hair.

That time on an airplane when she smooshed soft cheese into her hair.

Anyway, the timing is weird, but that old illness just decided to crop up again, AT EXACTLY THE SAME TIME AS FOUR YEARS AGO, which coincidentally was a freaking election year. So here I am again, seriously, dealing with the exact, same, thing, that I went through four years ago.

My plan this year vs. my life this year.

My plan this year vs. my life this year.

The good news is I know what I’m doing, I have a great doctor, and, at least until the end of the year when I get dropped by BlueCross (thanks Obama), I have good health insurance.

The bad news is, I have been put on some medication that takes, oh, just ONE or TWO months to kick in, that’s all.

So, here I lie, waiting…

Aaaaaany day now…(actually, I’m only a week in.)

Getting weaker…

Getting skinnier…

Trying to stay out of the hospital, where it is known you can get a very good, deep sleep, about every 40 minutes or so, after you are awoken by something, usually a roommate pooping loudly into a commode next to her bed, helpfully confirming to you that your olfactory senses are still working in spite of your retched health.

I’ve lost about 7 pounds in two weeks. Great end-of-summer bikini body trick, especially if rib cages are your thing. Send clothes. I’m now size extra small. I’ll be wearing my daughter’s toddler size 2T clothes pretty soon. So hot.

skinny model

So, anyway, I thought I’d let you know since I’m not working and you’re starting to barrage me with emails. I’ve just decided to let it all go, except a few things here and there. I’m keeping my stress level low, focusing on my health and my family life. I am making an appearance tonight, stay tuned for that announcement next, and I’ll probably do some writing.

I hardly read the news right now. It’s so luxurious! I have started reading books again. Not articles. Whole books! Still winning.

Many of you have written to me asking when I’m going to do another video. Answer: Shut up.

Just kidding. Answer: Fuck you.

No, really, just kidding. Answer: I don’t know. I’ve been busy working on my book and doing this:


No, not ballet, silly!!

The other thing.

But ballet too, of course. <Ahem>

It’s surprisingly exhausting having a parasite. I’m beginning to feel like Pregnant Bella Swan. Except I’m not craving blood…yet.


Unless it is the blood of a million Democrats. They say eating the heart of your enemy makes you stronger. I would do it except it would probably cross the placenta and WHO KNOWS WHAT THAT SHIT WOULD DO TO MY BABY! I’m sure it’s poison. She’d probably come out with half a brain.

Did I mention I’m due July 4th? How cool is that! Taking patriotic girl name ideas in the comments below.

So, I guess that was my Official Announcement.

With regard to my book, it’s something I started last year and then put down while I worked on a weekly video. I needed a break from the weekly videos, so I’ve been writing again. I hope I’ll have the book out by Fall. It will all depend on how distracting the little freedom fighter is.

I didn’t expect to take ALL of February off from videos but then all that recycling everyone does reversed Global Warming and we had a second Polar Vortex here in Minnesota so I went to Miami.

First day at the beach!

First day at the beach!

I’m sure I’ll do some videos soon, and as usual you’ll be the first to know!

Thanks for asking. I’m glad I’m missed a little bit. 🙂

I just lifted my head off my sick bed and found out…we are getting four more years of B Ho! I’m gonna go cry and come back. Hang on a sec…

“Biden, hand me those eye drops. Sniff!”

Okay, I’m back. Now that I’m feeling better I am inspired to write you a note about my current health status because I want you to know why I disappeared and that I’ll be back fighting against the Evil Empire with ridicule and sarcasm very soon. Like rigggghhhhhht…….NOW!

I don’t know why I haven’t said anything sooner about my health, except that maybe I just felt like suffering alone, in silence, with no kind words, gifts, or donations to cheer me up. That’s probably it. I did tell my family though, and here’s a picture of a stuffed animal my niece brought me in the hospital (love you Samantha!)

stuffed animal

How can you look at that face and feel bad? You can’t.

I got sick in the summer which, besides Obama’s re-election, is the other cruel thing that happened to me this year. I live in Minnesota so why I couldn’t be sick in January I have no idea. I caught some retched tummy bug while camping late July and that triggered a cascade of…difficulties. Without getting into the gorey details — except I want to tell you about this one time when I threw up and there was this big chunk of…no, never mind. Okay, so, no details. I will say that I was in the hospital for 38 of the longest days of my life, and then home but bed ridden and weak. I lost 26 pounds in a month and a half. (BEST. DIET. EVER., if the emaciated look is your thing.)

me in hospital

See that cup of ice in the bottom left? That was breakfast, lunch, and dinner for 30 days.

I’m better now, but still recovering. And some of the medication I’m on makes me feel yucky, and worse, kinda fuzzy headed. I haven’t been able to do any writing because the narcotics make everything funny BUT me. (That’s a joke. See, not funny.) My doctor says my recovery is going to be like driving a semi truck over the back roads of socialist Europe. You can do it but it will take patience and time. (See how even my doctor understands that Socialism creates inefficiency?!) I’m at the point where I don’t need to be in a medicated stupor all day and that’s good because now I feel like writing and making videos. Now all I need is more stamina.

You can imagine how frustrating it was to go through the election season and not get to make even ONE Sunny TV video making fun of Joe Biden, Obama, or that Lena Dunham creature. But if you REALLY want to know what torture is, forget the pain of my illness or the discomfort of the drugs, but I was stuck in a hospital with only CNN and network channels for news. Yes, ladies and gents, I only had access to Mainstream Media! And sometimes I was too sick to go online and I just laid there getting BRAINWASHED! It was horrible. (If you were thinking of donating money to me maybe now you’ll double your donation upon hearing that.) I can tell you based on that experience that a lot of people who voted for Obama are just totally ignorant of the facts about him because of the media, so don’t despair too much. We just have to reach people, invade the culture, and Sunny TV on YouTube is one of the ways I plan to do just that!

For those of you who found out I was sick when Chicks on the Right outted me, thank you for your kind letters, donations, and get well wishes. It meant a lot!